According to Shakespeare, a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. However true that may be, we think that extra weight being called muffin tops or saddlebags is a lot funnier than just calling it extra weight. We bring you this tale from the Fit Crypt with hilarious nicknames people have attached to their excess poundage. Maybe they’ve gotten rid of it, maybe they haven’t, but either way we are glad they can laugh about it.
One mom knew that baby belly wasn’t enough for the swell of skin that was left after the arrival of her two darling children. In her book A Laugh Out Loud, Pee In Your Granny Panties, Guide to New Mommyhood, Katie Vale Kinder apologizes to the women who became moms before her for judging their postpartum bodies. She came in to the fold of moms with a little extra padding as well, and came up with name FUPA for her extra weight. “It is totally dirty and stands for fat upper pubic area,” she told us. “It isn’t your vagina and it isn’t your stomach, but your FUPA! It’s the extra body part developed after you have a baby!”
We knew Katie wasn’t the only one poking a little fun at the new look of her body, so we set out to find a few other people willing to reveal their weighty nicknames. (more…)
Because I am a clumsy person who regularly walks into doors, Zumba was not the best fit for me. I tried it a few years ago in an effort to broaden my fitness horizons. I thought, “I can do this. There’s old people in there and they’re having a great time!” I would always walk out feeling a bit out of sorts, though: I hadn’t gotten a great workout, it wasn’t very fun for me, and the room was covered in mirrors so everyone could see my lack of rhythm. I came to terms with this, reasoning that it’s not the end of the world that I will never be anything close to a decent salsa performer or belly dancer.
Similar stories to mine are not hard to find, I’m happy to say. Sometimes we try a new exercise or sport and we’re so terrible we never do it again; other times it was just that first time that was awkward and then we get the hang of it. This week’s Fit Crypt brings together the incompetence in all of us. (more…)
The gym locker room – a room segregated by gender for changing clothes and filled with lockers for storage and safe-keeping of personal belongings. Some may include amenities such as showers, saunas and bathroom stalls. This description might be similar to the one found in a gym’s membership booklet or even the dictionary. But in reality, a better use of words to describe the place would be creepy, embarrassing, awkward and sometimes horrific. In this installment of Tales from the FitCrypt, gossip is all about the OMG locker room horror stories.
On a normal day in the locker room, you’ll definitely see a few not-so-modest people walking around in nothing but their birthday suit (like you didn’t already know). What some of you, and I mean you ladies, might not know about is how men are using the hair dryers on their side of the locker room. It’s not for the hair on their heads if you couldn’t guess, but for drying the hair on their private parts. In order to make sure they’re getting the job done right, many will prop one leg up on the nearest bench, exposing everything they have to offer. While trying to dig up some locker room dirt, this story not only came up first but was also given to me by several sources. I now know what’s at the top of the men’s locker room complaints! (more…)
Marathons are always memorable. The grueling task of traveling 26.2 miles on foot leaves permanent marks on our mind. While the thrill of crossing the finish line is often a favorite moment for all marathoners, those 26.2 miles can leave us with many other flashbacks as well. Marathoning can get messy, brutal, and downright embarrassing at times. Here are some of the most unique marathon moments from fellow runners across the country.
One of the most uncomfortable moments in my marathoning career occurred just feet after the 2021 Boston Marathon starting line. Runners had been lined up in corrals for some time with no bathrooms in sight, the first chance to go was in the brush just off the street before mile one. The brush was shallow and the runners were in a hurry. I’d never seen so many bare backsides in my life. Men and women alike were squatting and some very boldly doing more than number one right in plain sight. All I could do was look straight forward because they were everywhere!
April Reed of Wichita, KS was honest enough to admit being in a bad situation at the San Diego Marathon. “I peed in downtown San Diego right off the street in some low lying bushes. I think I came out of the bush before I really had my pants up.”
Jenny Poore of Chicago, IL explained how her bladder got the best of her at mile 22 during the Chicago Marathon. She could have stopped but she was having a great race so she just let nature take its course, down her legs. “I’m not ashamed. It was exhilarating. Just glad I don’t have a photo with water spewing everywhere. hahaha!” (more…)
Gyms are where a majority of people go to work on their health and fitness. They’re supposed to be a place where you go to release stress and the only person you really have to worry about is yourself. Though, sometimes when you are at the gym you can’t help but watch other people, and they can’t help but put themselves right in your line of sight.
For this week’s FitCrypt, I asked “What are annoying habits you see at your local gym?” I received an flood of emails from people telling me their stories about annoying gym habits.
The number one annoying gym habit is men making loud obnoxious grunting noises. If you’re in the weight room with even a couple of other guys, then chances are you’ve heard the loud grunting noises right before a guy is about to lift 150 pounds over his bench limit. Its like he is making a mating call to get everyone’s attention directed toward him.
You guys also called out the following as some of the most annoying gym habits: (more…)
Treadmills are great. On a day when you want to jog but look out your window and there’s three feet of snow outside, treadmills are nice to have. Or when it is so hot and muggy that you start dripping sweat as soon as you step outside in your running shoes, they are a nice alternative. But beware – these helpful machines can sometimes lead to nasty bruises or just a bruised ego when mishaps happen. This week’s FitCrypt describes those awful moments that have happened to us all, when things get out of hand on the treadmill.
Sometimes we get distracted watching TV, changing our music, or zoning out and thinking of something else. But that small strip of rubber is moving quickly and it demands our attention.
Patricia Vee knows the feeling: “I don’t know if I was too busy looking at the TV, or everyone’s reflection in the mirror. (Thinking…why am I so red in the face? How does that man run at 8.0 on the treadmill? That woman is going over her 30 minute treadmill rule.) Suddenly, my left foot slipped, don’t know how but it did. It was like a slow motion movie as I saw myself in the mirror, slipping. The treadmill grabbed me and seemed to vomit me like yesterday’s lunch off the back of the treadmill. Klu pump!” (more…)
This week’s FitCrypt is filled with fitness love. No, it is not a story about people falling in love with a particular workout! Instead, it’s about people who’ve met at the gym, a marathon, triathlon, or while exercising.
From personal experience I’ve seen some attractive people at the gym, and there are probably some head turners in your neck of the woods too. People don’t go to the gym for the sole purpose of meeting their future husband or wife. But some people actually happen to bump into their significant other while working on their fitness regimen. The next two stories from Catherine and Rick running into their lucky one give hope that finding your significant other while working out is a likely chance.
Three years ago this month, Catherine met Jason at the 10K on Shelter Island in New York. She first noticed how handsome Jason was, but there was more to him then just his looks that reeled Catherine in. (more…)
Oh sports bras. They’re supposed to be a little cocoon of fitness protection, but more times than not end up feeling like a straight jacket for our breasts. They’re impossible to deal with. Too loose, too tight, too itchy, too sticky, you’d frankly rather just go without. But no one wants to deal with those repercussions. Not you nor the wide-eyed onlookers at the gym.
Recently we saw a tweet in which @KSJILF announced the trauma caused to her by her sports bra. “GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF ME! OMGGETITOFF!!! – me almost having a psychotic break while trying to get a sweaty sports bra off.” After we asked her about the experience she said “They are the chastity belt for the chesticles. An ugly necessity.”
She got a response from @TriMeOn that told of a similar situation in which she had to get scissors and cut herself out of the sports bra. We can only hope it wasn’t an expensive one!
The howling laughter that followed this exchange came only because we fully connected with what she was going through in that moment. Hot and sweaty after a workout, trying to get in the shower, and for the love this contraption just will not come off! One arm trapped up the left side, another wandering around the right, your hips and neck wiggling just hoping something will shift and give. What woman hasn’t been there? So it got us wondering, what’s the worst thing your sports bra ever did to you? These are tales from the FitCrypt. (more…)